Strength

"If I can make it through that painful workout, I sure as hell can survive daily challenges"... I mentioned to my friend Eva, a fellow Crossfit, last Wednesday. Within the hour, I had a totally mental breakdown. Energized with the feeling I could accomplish anything, I tackled a situation I was really uncomfortable with, and it totally completely backfired. Then I felt powerless to help. And then I just felt useless.

Took me a good day to bring some of my energy back from the depths of self-pity land. I wasnt sleeping very well because of stress so I never really recovered from my workouts. I walked like how I felt, like someone beat the crap out of me.

Good news?

It all goes on and on. Life cycles, moods change, you get over it. I worked out hard this week, rode my bike, and stayed on course. I did not want my reaction to stress to be unhealthy one, but one that would prove I am getting strong in all aspects of my life. That my discipline is solid. That all this turning down chocolate truffles and whiskey has a purpose. That life is bigger than just one day, and I want to have a good old time on this planet.

That means training to be strong and eating to be healthy. working for success and playing like a child. That means letting go when necessary, but only after you put up the fight of your life.

I have been turning down going out with friends because I am so tempted to have some wine, as if it will chill my worries frozen. But I am determined to finish what I start (a rare feat for me). I am currently on day 43 out of 90. Almost half way done! Booyah!

Good news, again? oh yes, because all things come in threes.

I will be go to the Lake Eden Arts Festival in two weeks! This time without the sweet hubby since he will be graduating a week later and freaking over his finals anyway. My solid friend for all of my 20s is going to be my camping buddy! Maybe Ill zipline! I want to learn to contra dance. I will not consume massive amounts of tequila, like last time, but I will be up early enough for yoga for once.

Good news # 3?

In the midst of my stressing out, I made an appointment for a haircut. I usually let my hair go for months and months. Im feeling anew because I got a sexy, sort of extreme bob cut. I didnt say much of what was going on, but sharing stories with my hairdresser was the best therapy I have received in years. We talked religion, we talked marriage, we talked family, we talked money, we talked work. Surface enough to be funny as hell, deep enough that it mattered.

Strength. God, give it to me. This week will be better than decent! I go into Crossfit now Mon, Wed, and Fri! Im beyond excited a spot opened up. I am setting personal records every time I go in, or at least the satisfaction of doing some that only few would dare to try.

I will do a damn pullup one day! I will do a decent handstand.

I will chill out.