Committed

About an hour ago I put tape on the pull-up bar my husband and I installed in the doorway of the kitchen.

Thirty minutes ago I impressed J with my jump rope skills, three sets of 50. Pumped about my determination, my husband made me a homemade jump rope with electrical wire and wooden handles. It was just in the last month that I could barely get through ten without tripping over myself, and there was that darn shame too. I hated being weak so I never exposed myself to situations where it would was obvious to myself and others.

Ive decided that will no longer be a fault of mine.

About five minutes ago I decided to start a journal. An honest look at my training as I move either farther from the unfit stressed overweight burn out to the person I always could be. Elite. In all aspects.

This last week I completed the 6 week OnRamp at Crossfit Asheville. In just 12 workout I improved my 1st Workout of the Day (WOD) time from 21:00 to 7:58.

1st WOD

50 Jump Ropes

15-12-9 Ring Pulls, Push Ups, Squats

50 Jump Ropes

That first day I was prepared only by being dedicated. I knew I was weak, and although I had lost over 30 pounds on my own, I was far from being fit and I wanted a 'jump start' to training for my Chicago Marathon this October 10th.

My running was, and is, still weaker than it should be. Am I worried? less and less thanks to the overall fitness improvements I have seen. But that first day...

My push-ups are still on my knees. As if I am praying for mercy.. but that first workout I couldnt do ten. My arms buckled out unable to push up even though I wanted to show my trainers how in to this I was. "You will never forget this workout" Shanna said as I was trying to power through. I know, I thought, I never want to be like this again.

A few squats in I was losing my balance. The time clicked away but every moment felt frozen. I walked away feeling exposed of my weaknesses... I thought I would cry but that happened a few weeks later. I went to work feeling like I won because at least I finished.

Every day of OnRamp was a challenge. Some days I felt strong, like when I killed it with the wall balls, or when I pounded through 8in box jumps (I know). Only one day did I break. I had basically over stretched the night before after I took a jog and pulled my right butt muscle. Whatever it is called, it was sucking the life out of me. I walked in feeling okay, but half way through our warm ups, in a duck walk, I thought I was going to die. I didnt want to say anything, Im not a quitter.... I dont want to whine...

Then we started with skill work, one legged dead lift, and I finally spoke up. Corey... I think i pulled something. Dont worry, scaled it, what happened? Ok, ok, Im not sure.

The whole workout I wanted to cry, but It wasnt only because of pain. After doing the full WOD I went to the car and bawled. I wanted to be better faster, I wanted instant gratification and reality was tough. Getting stronger meant being uncomfortable.

Two days later my half ass was fine and truth is, while I might have overstretched, I was just learning what extreme soreness felt like.

About year ago this month I was 209 pounds, I am now 170(ish). Actually that is a total guess since my husband took the battery out of the scale. Last time I weight myself I was 175 but a pant size bigger than I am now. I WANT TO KNOW. But he is being sweet, says all that matters is strength and inches and.... he is right.

To help with recovery, and overall health I have addressed my diet and I am now eating only Paleo friendly foods. The last few weeks I have cheated here and there and I can tell you I never feel good when I do. I am starting a strict 60 day challenge today. No more weekend drinking, no more fries at the bar... I have gone strict before and its not a big deal. Just eat real food. Ill post more about Paleo later.

I start regular classes this Wed at 8 and I am nervous. Not so much about being exposed but wondering if the other 'kids' will like me. Im working on not doing that to myself anymore, what an unnecessary torture!